WHEN I FEEL BETTER // Chloe Lilac (Q&A)

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Photography: Maddie Provost

EJ SAFTNER: HOW ARE YOU TODAY? HOW ARE YOU FEELING ABOUT THE RELEASE OF YOUR MIXTAPE?

CHLOE LILAC: HI, I’M GREAT! I COULDN’T BE MORE EXCITED ABOUT THIS RELEASE. THESE SONGS ALL MEAN SO MUCH TO ME, AND TO FINALLY BE ABLE TO PUT THEM OUT IS SUCH AN AMAZING FEELING.

EJ: IF YOU COULD DESCRIBE EACH TRACK ON THE MIXTAPE IN ONE WORD (EACH), WHAT WOULD THEY BE?

CHLOE: I WOULD DESCRIBE 10 THINGS AS VENGEANCE, 19 AS AGONY, AND SICK AS BETRAYAL.

EJ: WALK ME THROUGH YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH MUSIC. HOW DID YOU GROW INTO THE ARTIST YOU ARE NOW? HOW DO YOU HOPE TO GROW AS AN ARTIST IN THE FUTURE?

CHLOE: MY RELATIONSHIP WITH MUSIC HAS ALWAYS BEEN INTENSE. I’VE ALWAYS BEEN SO DRAWN TO IT, EVER SINCE I CAN REMEMBER. IT TOOK A LOT OF TRIAL AND ERROR IN ORDER TO BECOME THE ARTIST I AM NOW. ESPECIALLY BEING A KID, FINDING OUT WHO I AM AS A PERSON HAPPENED AT THE SAME TIME AS FIGURING OUT MY IDENTITY AS AN ARTIST. I THINK THE SECRET TO FINDING OUT WHO YOU ARE AS AN ARTIST IS FINDING OUT WHO YOU ARE AS A HUMAN BEING. THEN YOU CAN HONOR THAT THROUGH THE ART YOU MAKE. I REALLY HOPE I JUST CONTINUE TO EVOLVE INTO A MORE IDENTIFIABLE, AND EVENTUALLY ICONIC, ARTIST AS I GAIN CONFIDENCE AND CONTINUE TO FIND MYSELF.

EJ: IF YOU COULD COLLABORATE WITH ONLY ONE ARTIST FROM NOW ON… WHO WOULD IT BE?

CHLOE: IF I COULD ONLY COLLABORATE WITH ONE ARTIST IT WOULD DEFINITELY BE TYLER, THE CREATOR. HIS MUSIC IS SO VERSATILE AND HE’S SO INCREDIBLY CREATIVE. HE’S SOMEONE I’VE ALWAYS ADMIRED. HE WAS A HUGE REASON WHY I TAUGHT MYSELF HOW TO PRODUCE. HE’S SO SELF-SUFFICIENT, PRODUCING MOST OF, IF NOT ALL, HIS OWN STUFF, REALLY INVOLVED ON THE VISUAL SIDE, NOT AFRAID TO THINK OUT OF THE BOX, AND NEVER STOPS EVOLVING. I’M ALWAYS SO IMPRESSED BY EVERYTHING HE DOES. YOU NEVER KNOW WHAT COMES NEXT. THAT’S SUCH A HARD THING TO DO. ALSO, HIS APPRECIATION AND KNOWLEDGE OF JAZZ INSPIRES ME SO MUCH. IT’D BE AN HONOR TO WATCH HIS PROCESS ONE DAY. HE’S A TRUE ARTIST.

EJ: WHAT LYRICS FROM (ANY TRACK ON) YOUR MIXTAPE MEAN THE MOST TO YOU? WHY?

CHLOE: THE LYRIC THAT MEANS THE MOST TO ME IS “WHEN I FEEL BETTER NOBODY SHOWS UP / IT’S TOO HARD TO FIX ME / I’M LATE TO THE PARTY.” I’VE ALWAYS FELT LIKE SUCH A FUCK UP. IT’S SOMETHING I’M WORKING ON, IT’S BEEN A LIFELONG FEELING FOR ME. BEING ABLE TO EXPRESS THAT WAS SO CATHARTIC FOR ME.

EJ: THE MIXTAPE/EP IS CALLED “WHEN I FEEL BETTER” … SO, WHAT DO YOU DO TO TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF? ANY TIPS OR TRICKS THAT HELP YOUR MENTAL, PHYSICAL, SPIRITUAL, EMOTIONAL HEALTH?

CHLOE: TAKING CARE OF YOURSELF IS SO HARD. I STRUGGLE A LOT WITH DEBILITATING DEPRESSION AND ANXIETY. I’VE FOUND THE THING THAT HELPS ME THE MOST IS A ROUTINE. FOR EXAMPLE, EVERY NIGHT BEFORE BED I CLEAN MY ROOM. IT’S OKAY IF I CAN’T DO IT SOME NIGHTS, BUT I TRY TO STICK TO IT. STARTING YOUR DAY IN A CLEAN SPACE IS WEIRDLY SO HELPFUL. IT MAKES THE REST OF THE DAY FEEL LESS HEAVY. MOVING MY BED NEXT TO A WINDOW AND JUST TAKING A SECOND AT NIGHT AND BREATHING IN THE COOL NIGHT AIR REALLY HELPS ME. THAT IS MY ABSOLUTE FAVORITE MOMENT OF MY DAY. 

EJ: WHAT MUSIC MAKES YOU FEEL BETTER? DO YOU HAVE A GO-TO SONG THAT ALWAYS LIFTS YOUR MOOD? 

CHLOE: THE SONG THAT I LISTEN TO THAT ALWAYS MAKES ME FEEL OKAY IS “MRS. MAGIC” BY STRAWBERRY GUY. I NEVER GET SICK OF IT. IT’S SUCH A BEAUTIFUL SONG. IT’S SO SPECIAL TO ME!

EJ: IS THERE ANYTHING ELSE YOU’D LIKE TO SHARE, ABOUT MUSIC OR SOMETHING YOU CARE ABOUT AND WANT TO TAKE THE TIME TO SAY?

CHLOE: STAY TUNED, MORE AMAZING STUFF IS COMING REALLY SOON. I’M SO EXCITED FOR MY NEXT PROJECT!

CHLOE LILAC’S EP, “WHEN I FEEL BETTER,” IS OUT ON FRIDAY, DECEMBER 3, 2022.